Got it . . . .

Very soon this pain will be over....

"Am a man I used to be! Sorry for making you hurt!
Good night and live strong..." - Freespirit 9/10/2010

PAIN OF EXISTENCE

Someone told me that jealousy is my very nature...
Agree or disagree, none of it could be me.
No one could define who I am
I love intensely and my hatred is forever
A wise man spoke once...
" One must stop permitting oneself to be eaten when one tastes best,
this is understood by those who want to love long."
I never regret a moment I got hold of that Stockholm syndrome.
My mind, body and soul were captivated and yet an enduring love, respect and care stayed.
A strong love and day by day hatred...
Never lover ever friends, this is where our story ends.
I love me because I have loved you...
my bittersweet friend...
TODAY I DECIDED TO LOSE YOU AND FIND MYSELF.

Have you ever felt this way?

Crazy it seems that I have been very paranoid what others think about me these past few days? Do I look like a pathetic fat loser to them? My, my, my, what have I done to myself? I dont want to look like one but sometimes I feel that way... so this saying is indeed right "you are what you feel you are" This issue is an eternal recurrence ...... It will eat me over and over again. I thought I love myself too much to feel this way... Hello pride come back to me. I want to feel good about myself again....... I still insist that I dont care about what they say..... I am what I am and I'm still on the process of struggling towards authentic existence. If I will be a slave of "others opinion" I'm still part of the herd..... Nietzsche may come to rescue me.. I want to be alone and be crazy for a day so I have an excuse to do whatever I want... This sadness is killing me.. Please let me die..

PAGBABAGO

Mahirap ang magbago, well maliban sa weight ko na rapid ang pagbigat.. mahirap talaga ang magbago. Bakit nga ba mahirap ang magbago? Simple lang, mahirap iwanan ang mga gawing nakasanayan. Kaya putik kahit anong reklamo natin sa mga dinadami nating boss, walang mangyayari dahil mahirap ang magbago.. Isa lang ang di magbabago at iyan ay kung ikaw ay isang empleyado, kahit baliktarin ang mundo, magleave ka man ng isang linggo siya pa rin ang boss mo, walang pagbabago. Isang gawaing paulit ulit na nakakasawa, pero sabi nga ng isang magaling na HR business partner na nakilala ko, " if you feel this job is not for you, well its time for you to shift ". Madaling sabihin, mahirap gawin. Kahit ilang libong beses mo ng sinabing magreresign ka, di mo magawa. Mahirap ang magutom lalo na kung may nakasangkay sa iyo na isang malaking responsibilidad.. hehe! Mahirap ng ibenta pa ulit ang sarili, nakakasawa! Kaya ano na lang gagawin mo? Di ka naman pwede magleave ng isang taon.. hmmm... eh di magbago.. Teka mahirap nga magbago di ba? Isa lang ang alam ko, ako ay taong may isip, may kalayaan, at alam ang responsibilidad na nakapatong sa kalayaan na iyon. Chos!